Tag Archives: sadness

May project: letting go

May 30, 2013

It’s day 30 of the blog every day in May challenge! Only one more day to go! The prompt today is: React to this term: Letting Go.

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When I hear the phrase letting go I immediately think of change and I’ve never been particularly good with change. I think of regret, sadness, nostalgia, resistance, anger. For me letting go doesn’t conjure up any happy thoughts. I don’t think of a release, of the future, of happiness. I wish I were more that way but I’m not.

Outwardly it may seem that I’ve gotten better at letting go but I’ve just gotten better at hiding my outward emotions and tucking them away. It makes it easier initially but it eventually comes up later and all those sad thoughts comes flooding up.

Letting go is something I’m constantly dealing with. I even project it into my future. Thinking of things and events that will come up that I won’t want to let go of. I get sad for things that haven’t even happened. I get sad watching other people having to let go.

I know letting go can be such a positive force and I can’t wait for the day I agree but for now letting go for me is sad.



Seattle: a departure

June 11, 2012

A while back when I announced that Walker got a job in Seattle I also mentioned my summer plans. That went a little like this. I would go with Walker to Seattle when he moved there for a visit. Then he would stay and I would go back to Austin. At the end of June I would go back to Michigan to be with my family and then move myself to Seattle in the fall.

It all sounded perfect except for the part where I wouldn’t see Walker for a few months. I think the reality of that didn’t catch up with us until the evening I was heading out (last night). We had spent so much time taking care of last minute details before we left and then spending 11 days together exploring Seattle and having so much together time. It was so fun and wonderful and then bam it was the day I was flying out.

Of course I was already super sad but it really hit me when Walker started asking when I would be back to visit and when I’d be moving out there. That’s when I question why we’re doing it this way even though we’ve already figured that out. Of course it makes since for the reasons we’ve discussed but does it make sense to miss each other this much? Right now it feels like no.

Walker escorted me to the link rail and after many tearful goodbyes we were and are on our own for a little while. It makes me more sad than I can say and my eyes are welling up again just typing this.

I was doing my best to hold back tears on the way to the airport and for the most part I was successful. For the most part. I had a lot of extra time at the airport so I was calm despite the long security line. It was especially nice when the girl in front of me started to chat. It was perfect timing really and a great distraction. We chatted all the way until we parted to go to our gates. Then she hugged me. Isn’t it wonderful how nice strangers can be? Just when I needed a friend I had one.

Now I must return to Austin and tidy things up and have even more goodbyes before I can begin my summer in Michigan. For a person that resists change there sure is a lot of it happening right now.